- Doctor: You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine. Luckily, your brother named them for you.
- Woman: Oh no, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he name the girl?
- Doctor: Denise.
- Woman: Well it isn't so bad, and what did he call the boy?
- Doctor: Denephew.
A 3 months pregnant woman falls into a deep coma. 6 months later, she awakes and asks the doctor about her baby.
Calories burned during sex:
- Woman on top 25 calories
- Doggy Style 40 calories
- Per gasp 3 calories
- Screaming 18 calories
- Urgent begging 22 calories
- Digging nails 11 calories
- Shaking 20 calories
- Licking 24 calories
- Real Orgasm 27 calories
- Fake Orgasm 160 calories
when you're playing hide and seek and can't find anywhere to hide so when you hear 'ready or not here i come' you're all like:
I'll be in a car and see some grafitti,
And I’ll think “How the fuck do they get up that high?”
AND HOW DIDN’T ANYBODY SEE THEM DO IT ??
When your friends make plans that involve money
GPOY GPOY GPOY
It's funny how you can control my mood so easily. You're sweet to me, I'm happy. You're a dick, I'm pissed off. You don't text me, I'm sad. I wish you didn't mean so much to me.